Gospel Groove Global Ministries

Raising Children – Releasing Teenagers

By Pastor Lisa Great 

I was at the gym the other day and a lady introduced herself to me and said she has 2 teenagers, one boy and one girl. I smiled and said, oh I love teenagers, they are my favourite people. She said really, I said yes, she said what do you do for a living, I said I am a youth pastor and have been one for 19 years. She then began to share some of her struggles with that she is having with her kids and I just smiled. You see most parents are trying to raise teenagers, but as this woman said they are wanting their freedom and she is not ready to give it to them, so they are having conflicts in the home. I again just smiled. As parents we need to raise our children and release our teenagers. Let me explain.

Living in Malaysia I see parents that give their children so much freedom, that they become reckless in the shopping mall, they are screaming in the grocery store and they are running all over the place, seemingly out of control. But then those same parents when they have teenagers want them to be controlled, not doing this, not doing that, and it really not the best way to approach releasing teenagers. So, what do I mean raising children and releasing teenagers.

The bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “train a child up in the way he should go and he will never depart from it.”

When I say we need to raise children, I mean just that, we need to raise them in the ways of the Lord, we need to instill in them the principles of faith, love, discipline, self-control, patience and all the other wonderful character qualities that you would like your child to display. As parents we need to do this when they are young. You see God gives them to us as a clean slate ready to be written on, and what we teach them is what they are going to do. I read a book called Parenting with Love and Logic, and it talked about raising children like an upside down funnel. We need to limit the choices we give children, they are not capable of making them well anyway, so we limit their choices, do you want white or chocolate milk, would you like to wear pants or shorts today, we limit what they decide, or some would say we are more controlling when they are young. Actually according to this book, Parenting with Love and Logic, this makes the child feel more secure, for they know mom and dad know what is best for them and therefore, do not leave room for them to get hurt at such a young age. But as they get older, just like a funnel, the bottom is very narrow and the top is much wider. As they grow we should widen their decision making base. Especially by the time they are teenagers, we should be giving them the liberty to make choices on almost all things and also allow them to reap the consequences of those choices. You see when they are teenagers, they are wanting to stretch what I call their autonomy wings, they are wanting more and more independence and that is okay to give them, but make sure they experience the consequences and responsibility that comes with that independence they are seeking.

Parenting is the hardest job on earth, for there is not one way to do it, there is no wand you can wave and your child will do everything right, but if we as parents can raise our children and learn to release our teenagers, I believe we will see more fruit in their lives and less frustration in ours. I tell people all the time, don’t ever forget what you were like as a teenager, for your child is feeling the same way, they want their freedom, so give it to them slowly, as they show they can handle it, give them more. They are coming closer and closer to being adults and they need to learn how to live as responsible adults, so release your teenagers to be and do what God created them to be and do. Don’t seek to control them like you did when they were 2 years old, don’t do this, don’t do that, but rather steer them in the way they should go, but do not make the decisions for them, they will respect you more if you give them some autonomy.

One final word, as parents we probably struggle more with releasing our teenagers, than they do in wanting to be released. It is important that we as parents remember that these children are gifts from God given to us for a season, so we have to “trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make straight our paths.

”(Proverbs 3:5-6) Parents, trust the Lord and gently release your teenagers to become adults. I did not say let them go totally, but go from hands on control, like steering a car, to more of becoming the banks that a river flows between. I know from experience that your teens will appreciate it and you will fin that life in your home is more peaceful, for you are raising your children and releasing your teenagers.

May God bless you as you seek his wisdom for your teenager or child.

P-R-A-I-S-E By Pastor Lisa

Somebody once told me that you should not praise your children too much or they will become proud. Now that I have a son, I do not think that is true. I have pondering this thought about PRAISE and what it is and what it really means. I think that if I praise my son too much he will be very secure in who he is and will grow up to be a man that does not go looking for acceptance and love from places that do not produce life, for he will know that he is loved unconditionally by his parents, the Lord Jesus and all the friends God blesses him with. So, I shower the praise on him daily, telling him how handsome he is, reminding him of who he is in the Lord and how much my husband and I are so honoured to be his parents. You see, I believe that a lack of praise is what causes pride to arise in peoples lives, for they are so starved of praise that any little bit they receive they use to build themselves up and then pride arises in their hearts. So, my thought is you can never praise someone enough. And I know that we can never praise the Lord too much for all over the bible it says we are to praise the Lord.

Psalm 150:6 says “let everything that has breath, praise the Lord!” and Revelation 5:13 says “then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea and all that is in them, singing: to Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honour and glory and power for ever and ever!”

Did you hear that, it says that ever creature in the sea was singing praise to God, that means the sharks and sting rays are singing praises to the Lord. Hallelujah! There is just something about praise that God loves and we as people love. Now let me just make one side note thought before I get into the bulk of what praise is all about. Praise is different than flattery. Praise is genuine, no strings attached, flattery is used to get something in return from the one you are complimenting or praising. Praise is not seeking anything for themselves, praise genuinely seeks to build the other person up with no expectation of a return. Oh that we would praise the Lord just because of who He is and that we would not be afraid to praise our spouses, children, friends, co-workers, just because of who they are, not hoping to get something in return. Praise the Lord!

By definition, according to Holman’s Bible Dictionary, praise comes from a Latin word meaning “value” or “price”. Thus to give praise to God is to proclaim His merit or worth. So praise is a powerful tool that we have and it costs us nothing to praise. As I thought about praise I began to think of a way to remember what this word means and can do, so I broke it down into 5 words that will help me remember what praise does for others and the Lord, so I will never cease to praise.

P- Powerful: 2 Chronicles 20:20-22 talks about how God said to put the praise leaders out in front of the army and as the people began to praise, God set up ambushes against their enemies. Oh I love that, God used the praises of the people to defeat their enemies. Praise is powerful, it can defeat whatever enemies we are facing, as long as we can lift our voice and begin to praise the Lord. But not only did praise defeat the enemies of God, according to 2 Chronicles 5:12-14, it also brought the powerful presence of God. Praise is so powerful that it invoked the Lord to come down in a cloud and fill the temple with His glory, so much so the priests could not minister. What a mighty God we serve. Praise is powerful.

R- Rejoicing: Nehemiah 12:43 says, “and on that day they offered great sacrifices, rejoicing because  God had given them great joy. The women and children also rejoiced. The sound of rejoicing in Jerusalem could be heard far away.”

Did you hear that, the sound of rejoicing, the praise of the people in Jerusalem was so loud it was heard a long way away. Has God given you reason to rejoice so much so that they could hear it in the next city, town or village? Oh God!  You know I watch grown men, that by day are dignified business men, running companies, go into a football game between two of their favourite teams, and these dignified, emotionless men turn into someone completely different, for they found something to rejoice over. I mean they are jumping, screaming, shouting and dancing, all because someone kicked a ball into a goal. Yet you put those same men in the church and they say it is not their culture, style or personality to raise their hands, shout, or praise the Lord with a loud voice. Praise is rejoicing and God has given us many reasons to rejoice, one being that we have been saved from death and given everlasting life, that is enough reason to let the neighbours know that our God is an awesome God. Lift up your voice and rejoice!

A-Acknowledgement: Luke 17:11-16 speaks of a parable of 10 lepers that Jesus healed, but only one came back, said thanks and then was pronounced whole. Praise is acknowledging that God has been good to you. I think one of the greatest challenges is the feeling of being taken for granted. You give someone a gift or go out of your way to do something for them and they neglect to acknowledge what you did for them, it makes you second guess whether you will do anything for them again, for they did not make the time to say thanks. The same is true with God, He has done so much for us, the least we can do it make the time to acknowledge Him and say thanks, or just lift up your voice and praise Him for He is a generous God.

I-Intercession: Romans 8:26-27 says that the spirit intercedes for us when we do not know what to say. Praise is a form of intercession for as we lift our voice and praise the Lord for unsaved family members that are going to be saved, for checkbooks that are without money for we know that one day they will be filled to overflowing with much cash, for a disease in your body, that you know that the word says healing is our portion, hallelujah! Praise the Lord as a form of intercession, declare by faith what the word says about your situation and let your praise intercede for you that your healing, your families salvation or your financial breakthrough is one the way! Amen!

S-Sacrifice: Hebrews 13:15-16 says “Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise – the fruit of lips that confess His name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”

My friends God loves sacrifice, He knows it is hard to do, but He also knows what a joy it is, for He sacrificed His one and only Son so that we could have life eternal. Sacrifices are not easy, that is why it is called a sacrifice, actually is it painful at times, but once you do it, it feels so good. You see our feelings/flesh do not always want to praise the Lord, but whether we feel like it or not, it is the right thing to do, so it becomes a sacrifice of praise and with it God is pleased.

E-Energizing: Psalm 42:5, 11 and 43:5 all say, “why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my savior and my God.” Praise has the power to lift you out of your situation, it gives you energy to do what you need to do when everything is coming against you. Praise is energizing. Just give your spouse a random compliment, a genuine one, letting them know how much respect them or love them and watch them light up. When we give praise to people, it energizes them. My flatmate said to me the other day that I am looking really good, and it put a spring in my step, I thought wow, someone notices that I am making physical changes and they said I look good, how encouraging. It does not cost anything to compliment someone, but it sure does energize the one receiving the compliment, so go ahead, praise someone, and by all means never cease to praise the Lord!

P-R-A-I-S-E is powerful, rejoicing, acknowledgement, intercession, sacrifice and energizing. I don’t know about you, but I am so excited about praise that I am going to lift up my voice right now and tell the Lord how much I appreciate Him and just sing out some spontaneous praise. Praise the Lord, I will say it again, Praise the Name of the Lord! Amen.